Holy Listening Stones Stories

My Experience With Holy Listening Stones
By Jennifer Hook
Youth Leader
Germantown United Methodist Church 

After taking the Blessing Based Spiritual Nurture and Holy Listening Class at Memorial United Presbyterian Church, I was fascinated with all that I had learned!  I am the leader of our church’s’ middle school youth group named The God Squad.  We participate in a variety of activities together, yet our strongest bonds have been formed by just “chatting.”  That’s why when I learned about the Holy Listening Stones, I was intrigued!! I saw using these as an opportunity not only to share our thoughts, but to learn to listen to each other also.  

The God Squad planted a huge garden of pumpkins and gourds last year at my farm, and we spent the summer months weeding and working together. I decided to introduce the stones after one of these meetings, as we sat in the shade taking a break.  I took out my box of stones, explaining that each one had a different symbol on it.  I explained how we would pass around the container and each one of them would choose a stone and then share why that was the stone they chose. The first couple of kids spent a few minutes choosing their stone, and then passed them on to the next person. Finally the container came to this one certain boy. He looked in the box, carefully picking up and studying each stone. After what seemed like forever, he asked me if he could choose more than one stone. I told him sure; I didn’t think there were any rules that you could only pick one! So, he continued to study them, placing several in his lap before passing them on.  

When it came time to share, I was amazed! I figured there may be a few of these kids that would be embarrassed or too shy to talk in front of the others, but every one of them had such an insightful answer for their choice of stones. One girl chose the stone with the sun on it because she said it made her feel happy to be here. Another boy picked the one with the lightning bolt on it because he said it made him think of storms and how much he enjoyed them. A different girl picked the stone with the spiraling circle on it because she was feeling overwhelmed at starting a new school.  

Next came the boy with his hand full of stones. He hesitated when it was his turn to talk, then he opened up and began to share. He said he picked the broken heart symbol because he was sad that his parents hadn’t been getting along recently. He picked the stone with the raindrop on it, which he saw as a teardrop, because he had been feeling like crying a lot lately. And then he told us that he picked the symbol of the arrows pointing in opposite directions because he felt like starting a new school, with new classes and teachers and students, made him feel like he was going in all directions! After he was done talking, he seemed relieved and “lighter” somehow. He had used the stones to sort through the emotions he was feeling. He opened up and shared his thoughts with the rest of us.  

We continue to use the stones at our meetings, and recently the group got together and all made their own set to take home. Not only are these kids able to share their thoughts, but they’ve gotten really good at “holy listening!”

Holy Listening Stones at Patty’s Place
By The Rev. Leanne Hadley
President, First Steps Spirituality Center
Colorado Springs, CO

I am "on call" at a Funeral Home in our city. When staff know that kids
will be coming to a visitation, I go and meet with the kids and do Holy Listening with them. A young father was killed in an airplane accident. He had five children ages four through fifteen. When his children arrived at the funeral home they were so wound up and hyper that I could hear them yelling and screaming while they were still in their
their car! They came in so upset that they were in a frenzy--pushing each other, saying mean things, laughing (but not happy laughing--almost crying) and I thought, "Where do I begin?"

I tried talking to them--they couldn't settle enough to even talk. (Many kids react to grief by being silly and hyper and while many people judge this an inappropriate--it is actually the only way some kids can cope and is very common, in fact.) Anyway--these were wound up, so upset, they couldn't even sit still and didn't know where to begin to express their grief.

I sat down and simply began laying each of the Holy Listening Stones out on the floor. I didn't say anything. But when they saw the stones, they were drawn to them and asked what they were. I explained that they were stones with symbols on them and that they could help them tell me how they were feeling. One of the older kids took the stone with a "broken heart" and said, "You mean like this one--this is how I feel--only the crack in my heart is much bigger." The next child took the stone with a "smile" on it and said, "This is how I felt when daddy was alive, but now I feel like this, and she turned the smile upside down into a frown. We sat on the floor for an hour choosing stones and
telling how we felt. They told sad stories and then happy memories. We cried and we laughed (sweet, happy laughs this time) and these kids found a way to express the depth of emotion that they felt.

Sometimes, when life is really hard it is difficult to find words to express our feelings--it is hard to even know where to begin. The stones open the door to honest, open, loving communication. And the best part is: the stones do the work. Kids are naturally attracted to them, and so in the simple act of laying them out for the kids to see, they begin to help the children express themselves.
 

Using Holy Listening Stones
By Don Rogers
Blessing Center Advisory Board member 

There are many ways to make use of the Holy Listening Stones with their twenty-five symbols. In fact, you may want to add your own symbols and discover ways of using them in addition to those listed below. 

The symbols on these stones will encourage sharing by those who use them – sharing of self, of stories, of joys and concerns. And that is the point of the Holy Listening Stones, to help people share their thoughts with one another. 

Each stone has a symbol on it which allows us to look inward, to begin reflecting upon our world, to share our concerns, to grow… 

In a time of sharing, when one person speaks and all the others truly listen, we get to know each other on a more than surface level. We learn what is important to others, what matters to them, what is wrong and/or confusing in their lives, how they experience God and prayer. The stones allow us to connect to others and ourselves beyond the surface we usually show to others. It opens us up to connect at a deeper more spiritual level. 

The stones are not magic; they are simply a vehicle for beginning spiritual conversation.  

Some use them to share the happenings of the day, before bed or at mealtime. This can be done in a variety of ways. A family might have the stones on the table at dinner and have each person pick one which speaks to them of a particularly important part of their day. Then going around the table, each person would have a chance to share, while the others listened, making no suggestions or comments, just offering the gift of listening. 

One mother and daughter each pick three stones which tell something about the school and work day and then share with each other why they chose as they did. 

Youth groups use them for sharing highs and lows before prayer. 

An adult helping a young person share burdens might use the stones as a way to begin to get at those concerns. Taking turns the older and younger person might pick a stones at random and share what comes to their minds as they go through the box. 

We pray that in using the Holy Listening Stones you will find a comfortable way to begin to address spiritual concerns with those in your lives; that the stones will be an interesting and helpful way for children, teens and older people to begin to articulate the wisdom which resides in each of us.

"Boys Don't Cry"
by Dixie Szalejko, Director
Memorial United Presbyterian Church Preschool
Xenia, Ohio

Sharon, a graduate student in Social Work, at Baylor University, was practicing using Holy Listening stones with a wide variety of ages: in, Hospice and other organizations, as preparation for presenting "Listening Stones as an Aide to Communication" to a gathering of social work people in Florida.

One morning Sharon was at a Christian school where she took a group of pre-schoolers into the Chapel and set up their time together "chapel-like". She passed the stones around, asking each child to think about how he or she felt and to find a stone which said something about that feeling. The
children each did this, sharing with her as they came up to her for an affirmation of God's blessing, which included a heart sticker for their hands.

The last boy said he chose the stone with the circle on it because, "My heart has a hole in it."

"Why does your heart have a hole in it?" Sharon asked.

"Because my gramma died." (She had died in the last day or so.)

"That's very sad. What do you feel about that?"

"I want to, but can't, cry"

"Why can't you cry?"

"Because boys don't cry."

"Well, that circle looks a bit like a tear doesn't it?"

The little one began to tear up and in a moment broke down sobbing. He sat crying in Sharon's lap for five minutes. When he was done, he asked for, and received the stone to take with him.

Family Time and Holy Listening Stones
Darlene Fugate
Yellow Springs United Methodist Church
Yellow Springs, Ohio

I used a set of stones for each table of folks. After I explained their use and application, I went back and forth between the tables just listening. One family with two children were particularly of interest. The teenage daughter chose the stone with the two arrows whose heads go in different directions and their pre-teen son chose the one with a spiral. Both expressed the busyness and chaos of having too much to do. Their mother rarely has time to stay in any meeting for the full time, having to run them here or there. All were receptive to using the stones in different settings. The Pastor wanted a set for himself and I will provide a set for a particular family, as well as giving instructions for making them to the Youth Group.

I opened the door with the Holy Listening Stones and will do more with them. It went really well! Pastor Hill admitted to the whole group that I had come to him earlier with wanting to introduce them and he had nixed it, but that he had enjoyed the experience and saw how they can be used to enhance communication.