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A Testimony about Holy
Listening from a Nurse
I work with pregnant teen moms and mentor them through a school-based health center in an area of poverty. When Amy (not her real name) came to me to talk early in February she had a lot on her mind. She was on track for graduation and had plans to sign up for the Army. But a boyfriend whom she really loved changed that when she became pregnant. With our initial visit we talked about her baby, being pregnant, her parents not knowing, and the need for her to seek a doctor for prenatal care. Later that day, the boyfriend showed up with her and explained all the reasons for her to abort her baby. He didn’t want to be a parent this soon. They had plans for college. They were too young to be parents. He didn’t want to be a father and he wasn’t going to marry her. He didn’t love her. Tearfully we sorted out everything with a social worker in our school. The boyfriend was not going to be supportive, but we would be. Over the weekend Amy told both of her parents who took the news without judging her. She had family support and her mother wanted what was best for her daughter, her education, offering to raise the child if Amy wanted a career in the Army. That week she went to the doctor’s office with her mom. Amy was experiencing morning sickness and missed a couple days of school. Two weeks later at another appointment the doctor tried to hear a heartbeat. None was to be found. Amy didn’t realize what might be wrong but her mother did. The doctor told Amy and her mother that he wanted them to go over to the hospital where she had an ultrasound. She had not yet felt life within her but her mind was set on having a baby. Immediately, the technician knew that the baby was not alive. Amy called the father, who didn’t help matters when he told her he was glad the baby was dead! Amy was devastated and on the drive home, her mother called me. I immediately started clearing my desk and preparing myself for this home visit. I have had two sons with uncomplicated pregnancies; I had never lost a baby. I walked in to the living room of this home and saw Amy walking toward me. We both needed a hug. We proceeded to sit down on the living room sofa and I began my “Holy Listening.” Amy had an ultrasound picture of her baby. She talked about her baby and what would happen if she needed a D and C. Could I be there? “Yes.” I said. I admired her ultrasound photo and pointed out the head, arms and feet. We couldn’t tell if it was a boy or girl. I told Amy, “I have never lost a child, and I don’t know how you feel right now.” I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her tight. Amy cried for a long time. I just held her and listened. I asked her if she believed in God and she did. I asked her if I could pray for her baby and for her loss. She nodded her head in agreement. “Dear Lord, Amy hurts right now and You are the Master and the designer of all, and Amy’s baby. Hold them in your arms and give them peace. Renew Amy’s spirit and comfort her in this loss. May she know You in your kingdom. I know you love us God, help us feel your love. We need it so much right now and in the days to come. Amen.” Amy was hurt emotionally and spiritually. I knew that I could not fix either condition but I could witness to her with a compassionate heart and the stillness of my lips as “Holy Listening” took over that afternoon. I was with Amy as she fell asleep in my arms. -Candace Sturni is a Registered Nurse in a school based health center.
Spiritual Discernment One of the images for discerning God's will I like is that of a person walking a path in the dark, unable to see what is over the hill or around the bend, having just enough illumination from the flashlight or the moonlight to take the next steps. Sometimes we have just enough guidance from tradition or scripture or a trusted friend or community to take a few more steps. In one day this week I was in three conversations that were holy ground. They had to do with persons or communities seeking God's will, searching for the right thing to do next, finding faithfulness and trust in the midst of doing so. I marveled at the light each was given as profound gift. Scripture spoke powerfully in the course of study. Asking questions and listening to others yielded insight and direction. Prayer infused the process for all as they listened for God. None of these folks entered the discernment process as a go-it-alone, self-sufficient venture, but engaged the sources of light provided. While what the next months will bring is largely unknown, there is clarity for the next few steps. By way of contrast, on that same day, I experienced an example of trying to make my way in total darkness. After a church meeting, I decided to visit the ladies room. The hallway was dark. I felt on the wall for light switches, but didn't find them. "Oh, well," I thought, "I know my way back there!" I stepped forward down what I thought was a hallway but was instead the stairway. I landed at an awkward angle and ended up with a sprained foot. It is propped up here on the desk beside this computer. I'm keeping it elevated by doctor's orders. I hobble slowly around the house. I shake my head at my headstrong, overconfident blundering, make mental notes to do it differently next time. How not to walk in the dark: think you know it all. I could have asked for help, for light, for directions--all were available...but didn't. The holy conversations and the fall remind me to be grateful for ways we are given just enough light to go on. They remind me once again of a favorite quote by Herbert O'Driscoll: God has given us five gifts for the journey: Word, Water, Bread, Wine, and One Another. ►Edited from “Running Streams”, Kathleen J. Leithner, 31 January 2004 |
I am a
registered nurse with a spiritual heritage. While “Holy Listening” wasn’t a new
concept for me, I was able to perfect my hearing, by taking a course at Memorial
Presbyterian Church.